‘How will my gay marriage harm your straight one?’ (1)

Feb 8, 2013 by

By Lisa Nolland In the Government’s proposals for ‘Equal’ (?) Marriage, the categories of consummation and adultery are not applicable to SS (same sex) couples. As the proposal stands, ‘married’ SS couples only appear able to commit adultery with someone of the opposite sex. ‘Adultery’ with someone of the same sex will have no legal status.  However, adultery still exists and is an operant category for heterosexual married couples. This double standard is so bizarre that legal opinion is now saying that ‘adultery’ will have to go: one cannot have totally different sets of rules for those who are ‘equally’ married.  The concept of adultery has served a vital role in terms of boundaries, expectations and responsibilities. Sexual fidelity matters, yet Government proposals signal that in law it will not for SS marriages. If 'equal marriage' is to be equal the legal significance of adultery will ultimately, if perhaps inadvertently, be lost for the rest of us.  This is one way SSM damages real marriage. The rules will have been re-written for all. This will touch not only your marriage but that of your heterosexual children and grandchildren....

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'Equal Marriage' discriminates! It excludes Poly Would-be Marrieds

Jun 21, 2012 by

Poly relationships have recently been featured in the Independent (loving and committed lesbian triad, with a home, children etc). In the blog, Full Marriage Equality, polys claim: ‘Polyamory isn't for everyone, but it is for some. Why should they be denied their right to marry? There isn't a good reason. All denying them their civil rights does is make them second-class citizens based on their love. They're together. That's not going to change. Why not let them marry?’ And elsewhere: ‘We will reach full marriage equality; it is just a question of when’ (emphasis added). Poly unions have also been promoted in the pages of the Guardian and the Mail:   See http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/U.K. (press UK, to right on side bar) for more.  Tired of being closeted, polys 'came out' last August (25th) on ITV's 'This Morning': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJxdI4MZj88 If love and commitment are the sine qua non, then how will the government be able to refuse those demanding plural...

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A Long, Hard Road: How Reparative Therapy Saved My Life

May 29, 2012 by

Daniel Meir Horowitz*, May 2012, Jonah     There has been much ado in the Jewish media about the idea of Orthodoxy and homosexuality. I have decided to share my personal story for the purpose of letting others know that, despite what so many people claim to “know,” there are options and there is a way out of Same Sex Attraction (SSA).   I was raised in a modern-Orthodox, frum family. I clearly remember in 8th grade being among other boys discussing which girls in our class they had crushes on. At the time I had absolutely no attraction to women and, to avoid embarrassment, I blatantly lied and said that I did indeed have a crush on a certain female classmate. But inside I was tormented: “When will I feel these feelings like the other guys?” I asked myself.  I kept hoping that someday I would just wake up and be “normal.” Unfortunately, that time never came. By 10th grade I had already come to the conclusion that something was wrong, and also admitted to myself that I was instead attracted to other boys in my class. I recall praying and crying to G-d to “take it away” and heal me. One summer I spent every day saying the entire book of Tehillim (Psalms) in the hope that I could earn enough merit to make my homosexuality go away. But it didn’t.   After graduation, I dutifully spent a year in an Israeli yeshiva. Being in a dormitory situation was a complete nightmare. I felt trapped in a prison that I could not escape, tempted by things that I could never act upon, dangled in front of me constantly. By the end of that year I was almost non-functional, and finally mustered up the courage to discuss my situation with the Rosh Yeshiva. I was sure that I would be summarily cast away and shamed, but felt I didn’t have a choice since I was suffering so much. I needed to talk to someone. Instead, I received compassion, advice, and a recommendation to see a local psychologist.   When I returned home at the end of the year, I began immediately seeing a religious psychologist to try to work through these issues while I stayed in yeshiva. Over the next seven years I cycled on and off seeing a total of three different psychologists and one psychiatrist, spending at least twenty thousand dollars. These were highly recommended professionals, some of whom are rather well known. They all assured me that they could help me with my SSA. Yet after all of my time and money, I accomplished absolutely nothing. I still was embroiled in attraction to other men, and felt no attraction to women. All of my friends were getting married and having children, while I just spun my wheels.   During those years I became depressed and hated my life. I often contemplated suicide. Multiple times while driving home from the therapist’s office, frustrated at our lack of...

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Has Anyone Really Changed from SSA to OSA? Yes. Me.

May 25, 2012 by

JONAH  May 2012  Bart Roberts  (AM comment:  Below contains material whichi is graphic but in our view honest, truthful and necessary.  These matters must be dealt with; not to address them compounds the problem.)     Introduction by the Author:  A person new to the process of change of sexual orientation bluntly asked me, “Does anyone ever succeed in escaping same-sex attractions (SSA)?  When I responded in the affirmative, he asked several more specific questions and what follows is the reply I sent which describes several of my personal experiences and changes within me that impacted my current level of healing.    After writing this piece, I decided to save it in my journal because I believe it summarizes my reflections and personal experiences. I also gave my friends at JONAH permission to publicize this article because they thought what I wrote may be helpful to others undertaking the same journey.    Please forgive any implied or expressed notion that I can't or won't ever slip. "Falling down" is part of life's experiences but "getting back up" or "back on track" is what allows us to know we are alive. A religious proverb tells us that the righteous man is one who may fall seven times but he remains strong enough to get back up each time in order to overcome his challenges.  Please note that as a religious man, I believe I'll stay in this good place as long as I continue to surrender to G-d and allow Him to keep me strong. Surrendering to G-d enables me to feel G-d's power within me and thereby open myself to do the deep intra-personal psychological work that is necessary to recreate ourselves, to heal, and to grow. Surrendering to G-d permitted me to actually do the deep and personal psychological work I did over the past year. This secular psychological work was essential. It allowed me to move forward, to change my self-perceptions, and to turn my life around.     Bart  ____________________________________________________________________________________    My brother,   You have asked if anyone has ever been successful in eliminating his SSA.    I answered, very briefly, "Yes" … Me!   I'll answer your questions by explaining how I got to the point where I can say  "yes."    First, I consider myself no-longer enslaved by SSA. It has become a non-issue for me. What I think that means is best described by repeating what one prominent SSA therapist said eventually happens when we grow out of SSA:    –   I notice men. –   I admire men with certain characteristics … some of the time. –   Certain body types or personality characteristics may get my attention. –   But such attention is no longer a “sexual attraction.” I NO LONGER NEED TO CONTROL (or repress) MY SSA AND THOSE FEELINGS NO LONGER CONTROL ME. The entire issue of controlling the obsession and subsequent compulsive behavior has faded away.   These changes did not happen suddenly, although I remember exactly the day...

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The magazine of the largest Protestant denomination in Canada features a bisexual triad

May 20, 2012 by

This glowing portrayal of a non-religious, 'open' biexual family in the United Church of Canada's 'United Church Observer' indicates how profoundly  the denomination's theological and sexual norms have changed, and the likely future of this branch of Protestantism.  Many believe  TEC is on a similar pathway, though I am not aware that it has come out in public support of active bisexual trios. That is the next obvious cohort for the 'listening process', is it not? By Pieta Woolley, ucobserver For the past five years, computer techie John Robert Bashinski has shared his Montreal row house with two partners — one female, one male — and the trio’s kindergarten-aged daughter. It’s a polyamorous relationship — on the surface, hard to distinguish from polygamy, but in many ways, the polar opposite. Egalitarian, secular and non-institutional, the family’s relationship is founded on the personal freedom of each of the three partners, he says. All three adults see other lovers outside their primary unit. Weekly, the partners also rotate on date nights, a two-adult romantic evening, while the third does childcare. It’s just your average three-parent “open” relationship, in other words. Bashinski reports they’re very public about it yet never harassed in their progressive, family-oriented neighbourhood. The household’s vibrancy is a relief for Bashinski. For 20 years between 1980 and 2000, he endured a marriage that ran out of steam soon after it began. Work brought him from the United States to Montreal. That’s when he met his current partners, and the new arrangement got his groove back. More sex, more love, more life. “Polyamory seems to be on the upswing in the zeitgeist,” says Bashinski, who is a spokesperson for the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA). “There may not be way more people publicly doing it, but it is becoming more visible, and more people are thinking of it as a valid option.” Read...

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The Slippery Slope at Work

Mar 17, 2012 by

Canada legalized gay 'marriage' in 2005, following the Netherlands (2001) and Belgium (2003).  At the time few understood that  other sexual minorities who made the same claims and on the same basis as gays and lesbians were waiting in the wings. Few seemed to realise that this decision would have profound consequences.  A few of us were concerned about 'the slippery slope', but were written off as extreme. What is now occurring however is that these various other sexual minorities are getting increasingly restive.  If it only takes love and commitment to make a marriage, well, what about them?  The example below is of a heterosexual poly ('plural loves') East Side Vancouver family. Though heterosexual polyamory is not uncommon, bisexual relationships, especially female bisexual relationships, are even more prevalent.  Two heterosexual and one bisexual poly people 'came out' in the UK in August 2011 on ITV's Good Morning;  polys are delighted with all the media attention they are now receiving around the globe (see their premier site: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.co.uk/) .   From  'Three's Company:  Despite legal barriers, a Vancouver polyamorist "triad" quietly continues their unusual union'. ..'John, Louise and Eric formalized their relationship with a commitment ceremony in August 2010. "We exchanged rings, we had vows, we had a marriage in all the traditional senses, apart from a justice of the peace and apart from a priest. We had a moderator," says John. They plan on drawing up documents regarding custody of children and division of assets. John, Louise and Eric's commitment ceremony could put them, and everybody who attended, in trouble because of a 120-year-old law and a small community of fundamentalist Mormons. "Based on the legal interpretation, everybody at the ceremony is liable for legal action," says John…  While the triad doesn't believe its family is in immediate danger, it is upset about the decision. John says, "In our situation, we are one of those groups of polyamorists that [the decision] is not a victory for. We did participate in a ceremony. While it wasn't legal or religious, we had a full ceremony, we had rings, we had cake, we had guests, we had a ceremony." Read here...

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