A basic Christian primer on sex, marriage and family life. Article 9 – the relationship of husband and wife in marriage

Apr 21, 2020 by

by Martin Davie:

In the previous article in this series we noted that there are two vocations to which God calls human beings, marriage and singleness, and both of these vocations involve a call to the kind of friendship which God gives to us and calls us then to give to others.

In this article we shall go on to explore what the Bible teaches us about the particular shape of the relationship of friendship between husband and wife in Christian marriage. What we shall see is that this relationship has three key features. First it is a relationship marked by equality, Secondly, it is a relationship that is marked by submission. Thirdly, it is relationship that involves spiritual warfare.

Equality

According to Genesis 2, the marriage between Adam and Eve, which is the basis for all subsequent marriages, was a relationship between two people who were equal to each other in their possession of a shared humanity. The reason that Eve was the fit companion for Adam was because, although she was  different from him in being female rather than male, she was equal to him as another human being made in the image and likeness of God.

In line with what is said in Genesis, the New Testament declares that Christian marriage is also to be marked by equality between husband and wife in three ways.

First, a Christian marriage is a marriage between two people who have the same standing before God. As human beings they are made in the image and likeness of God just like Adam and Eve, and as Christians they are also joint recipients of the divine blessing promised by God to the descendants of Abraham and delivered by Christ to all who have faith in him (Galatians 3:28-29).

Secondly, a Christian marriage is one in which the same standard of sexual conduct is required of both parties. In  first-century  Greco-Roman culture a double standard of sexual conduct was in force. Wives were expected to be sexually faithful to their husbands, but men were free to have sex outside marriage. The New Testament, by contrast, declares that the requirement for sexual fidelity in marriage laid down in Genesis 2:24 applies to men just as much as to women. That is why men are told to ‘abstain from unchastity’ (1 Thessalonians 4:4), why Paul forbids men having sex with prostitutes (1 Corinthians 6:12-20), and why a bishop has to be a ‘one woman man’ (1 Timothy 5:9) just as a good Roman wife was expected to be a ‘one man woman.’

Thirdly, a Christian marriage is one in which there is equality between men and women with regard to sexual intercourse. Paul makes this point in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, in which he tells husbands and wives that mutual, satisfying, sexual relations must be an important part of their life together. Marital sex, he says, should be frequent and reciprocal, and one spouse should not deny sex to the other.

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