By Bill Farrell, Focus on the Family.
There is no formula for settling Christmas conflicts because they’re highly emotional interactions with the people we care about the most. But knowing what some other couples have done can help.
“Thanks for meeting guys,” my friend Austin said. “I need to talk this over with someone because I don’t think I can do another Christmas like we had last year.”
Austin had asked me and our mutual friend Brandon to meet for coffee, and, although he hadn’t told us what this was about, we could tell it was important to him.
“What do you mean, Austin?” I asked.
“Geniece’s family gets together every year on Christmas Eve. They all go to church together, eat a late dinner and then open all their Christmas presents. I told her I wanted us to do things differently, but it made her really upset for several days. I finally decided it wasn’t worth the argument and went along with the plan. By the end of day, our two kids were exhausted, and we ended up spending the night at her parents’ house. It felt as if we missed Christmas as a couple since we didn’t get home until after lunch. When I tried talking to her about it, she accused me of not liking her family.”
Brandon jumped in, “At least you only had to deal with her family. My family demands that we show up on Christmas Eve, and her family pushes for us to arrive for brunch on Christmas morning. It is doable but exhausting. Just about the time we start to relax on Christmas morning, we have to get out the door. I think Christmas ought to be a great day for us as a couple, but it usually isn’t.”
“I guess the fact that my family lives in a different state and doesn’t put demands on us is a good thing, but I’m not sure I can keep doing this,” Austin responded. “I love her family, but I want some personal time with Geniece. The gifts I get for her are pretty private to me, and I don’t want an audience when I give them to her.”
“I don’t mind giving Tiffany gifts in the presence of family,” added Brandon, “but the whole process drives me crazy. She never wants to talk about a Christmas budget because she feels the need to get gifts for everyone in the family. She tells me, ‘It doesn’t matter because we will always get back as much as we give so it breaks even.’ I don’t even know what to do with that.”
They both looked at me and asked what I’d do if I were in their shoes.
One size does not fit all
There is no formula for these situations because they’re highly emotional interactions with the people we care about the most. Let me share with you what some other couples have done to navigate these waters.