By Dr R. Scott Gornto, Psychology Today. (Photo: Yosi Prihantoro/Unsplash)
(Editor’s note: A helpful and sound approach to suffering, quite compatible with Christian belief)
Key points
- Suffering is not a sign of failure or weakness—it is a natural part of the human condition.
- However, while some suffering, such as the kind that accompanies growth, can be necessary, some is not.
- Understanding the difference can help people better navigate the pain and invite love in.
The older I get, the more I realize that suffering is not selective. No one is immune. It touches every life, regardless of status, race, success, good choices, or even good intentions. To be human is to suffer. The question is not if we will suffer, but how we will relate to it. Carl Jung beautifully said, ”To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
There is a widespread belief, often unspoken, that something has gone wrong when we are suffering. That pain means failure, weakness, or divine absence. But suffering is not a detour from life; it is woven into the fabric of it. And while suffering is inevitable, not all suffering is the same.
There is necessary suffering, and there is unnecessary suffering. Necessary suffering is the kind that accompanies growth, truth-telling, love, loss, and transformation. Unnecessary suffering often arises from resistance, avoidance, denial, unhealthy attachments, or the stories we tell ourselves about our pain. Much of the work of emotional and spiritual maturity is learning to discern the difference.
How we frame our suffering matters deeply. Our interpretation of pain can either open us or imprison us. It can soften us or harden us. It can become a portal to love, or a wall against it.
The Suffering of the Mind
Much of suffering does not originate in circumstances, but in the mind itself.
Take, for example, Mark, who is successful by most outward societal measures. Yet internally, he lives under constant assault. His inner critic is relentless, questioning his worth, replaying mistakes, predicting failure. Even moments of rest are hijacked by anxiety about what might go wrong next. His suffering is not caused by a single event, but by a mind that never feels safe.