By Marianna Orlandi, Public Discourse. (Image: Kev Costello/Unsplash)
Technology is not our problem. Our problem is an obsessive concern for our own good, our distrust of others, and the terror of losing ourselves. No algorithm will solve this.
Studies suggest that almost half of American young adults ages 18–29 have used a dating app. When millennials are included in this cohort, the slightly smaller percentage still encompasses more than a third of the population. In other words, well over half of currently unmarried people know how dating apps work, which ones to pick when looking for lasting love (versus hookups), and above all, how rarely their use has made them happier. Hand in hand with the familiarity of dating apps goes the host of issues and dissatisfaction that they cause. A question worth asking, then, is whether abandoning the apps would solve our dating problems. Would in-person encounters make dating easier and lead to successful relationships more often?
Sadly, my answer is no. Our dating problem has much deeper roots, resting on an impoverished understanding of the person and of human relationships and on a mistaken conception of our freedom in choosing love. This is what single people bring to the table today—even when they meet in real life.
My recent interviews with local unmarried young adults in Austin, Texas, confirmed both findings: widespread use of the apps, on one hand, and profound and well-grounded criticism of the new medium, on the other. Besides their low success rate—our interviewees were all single people, after all—both men and women expressed serious concerns about how the apps objectify their users. “Swiping” potential partners as one does with Amazon products, they thought, is not a great way to approach a human relationship.