How not to spoil kids: teach responsibility
By Thomas Lickona, Mercator.
A single mother who works full time says that when she gets home from work and asks her 16- and 14-year-old daughters for help with dinner, they respond, “That’s your job.”
A 15-year-old boy, asked to mow the lawn, said, “Why should I mow the lawn? It’s not my lawn.”
Attitudes like these caused two-thirds of American parents to tell a Time/CNN poll they felt they had spoiled their children.
What are American parents doing wrong?
Cultural differences
Clues come from a Harvard study decades before.
In Children of Six Cultures (1975), anthropologists Beatrice and John Whiting reported their investigation of the origins of altruism (helping others without expecting a reward).
They found a clear pattern: the more children had responsibilities that contributed to the maintenance of the families — such as taking care of younger children, caring for animals, helping to grow and harvest food, assisting with meals, and the like — the more likely they were to act in altruistic ways, not just with family members, but with people outside the family as well.
In comparing the six cultures, the Harvard study found that children in the United States:
- had the least responsibility for contributing to family life.
- were the least altruistic in their behaviour toward family members and people outside the family.
A subsequent study in the journal Developmental Psychology found that children who had chores — jobs they were expected to do as contributing family members — developed a greater concern for other people.
The takeaways for us as parents?
If parents are doing all the giving and kids all the taking in family life, should we be surprised when they become self-centred and unhelpful?
Related Posts
Tags
Share This
