‘You’ve Been Served’
By Rollin Grams, Bible and Mission. (A satirical play)
[A description of the context for this satirical play on the Church of England is provided in the Afterward.]
Knock-knock…. Knock-knock…. Knock-knock….
‘Maybe I’ll just peek in the window to see if anyone is here.’
‘Of course someone is here. This is Lambeth Palace. Someone is always here.’
Knock-knock…. (door is eventually opened by a person holding and stroking a Yorkshire Terrier)
‘Yes?’
‘Afternoon, Mum. We’d like to speak with Mr. Canterbury, please. Oh! Ah, No offense. I was just confused by the dress. Would you be Mr. Canterbury, then, Sir?’
‘This is not a dress. I’m wearing a robe.’
‘Right. Very good, Sir. Harold here likes to dress up, too!’
‘Oi, knock it off, mate!’
‘Just a little joke with my friend, Harold. As it happens, Sir, I have some document here and just need your signature that you have received it. Right on that line. Official stuff, I imagine, but only Mr. Canterbury can sign for this one.’
‘Yes, yes, lots of official business here. Thank you. Let’s see what we have here.’ (opens envelope)
‘Well, how do you like that! I’m being served divorce papers!’
‘So sorry to hear that, Sir! Would you like to use my pen?’
‘It’s my wife, Ginger, divorcing me, and she wants most of our overseas properties. Oh, and this is rich: she wants six of our eight children.’
‘Horrible stuff, Sir. But I have a note here that the papers came from a Mrs. Gafcon in Rwanda. I also don’t have the name ‘Ginger.’ And how is it she’s Gafcon and you are Canterbury? Are we talking about the right person?’
‘Oh, she’s already using her new name, Gafcon. And I nicknamed her Ginger, as in ‘ginger group’—an insignificant yapper always spicing things up and trying to control what goes on in grand halls such as mine.’
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