Boris Johnson and the Episcopal Land of Zoom

May 29, 2020 by

from Archbishop Cranmer:

This is the 18th contribution to His Grace’s emergency team ministry during the coronavirus pestilence. The author is an Incumbent in the Church of England, who wishes to remain anonymous.

The Bishops of the Church of England have for almost three months lived in the Land of Zoom. In this strange country they are able to communicate, function, and meet with each other without the need of weekend conferences. The Land of Zoom is a welcoming country for those for whom meetings matter. So it was perhaps a consequence of living on another plane (we might even say planet) that a number of Bishops discussed a planned attack on the Prime Minister and Her Majesty’s Government, and on a father who did the very best for his family whilst navigating the complexities of government guidance.

There are many who have confused law with guidance, not least these Bishops, and a profound debate needs to be had about why even the police have enforced advice as if it were the law. The numerous tweets that emanated from the Episcopal Land of Zoom could not have been coincidental. Let us assume, however, that they were, and that by some mysterious means, perhaps divine intervention, these diverse and uncoordinated tweets, having emerged at the same time, were one letter (it has, of course, a proper gender balance as a proper mix of men and women all tweeted together). This is what the letter would say:

Dear Prime Minister,

You have no respect for people. You lied to, patronised and treated people as mugs. Integrity, trust and leadership were never there.. just an ideology of power. There is one rule for you and one for the people. You have undermined the bonds of peace and our common life that have been strengthened in these testing times. You need to rebuild trust. It is because of us that the vulnerable live. You have treated people as sheep to be fooled. We can forgive mistakes and poor judgement but.. you are risking lives. You lack integrity and respect. Think of the principle of consent. Sack Cummings or we won’t work with you. We must obey the rules. What are we to teach our children?

Yours sincerely,

The Bishops of the Church of England

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